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  Swallowing hard, he took a step back, as if he didn’t want to answer. Then he pushed his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. You have no idea how fucking sorry I am. I never should have talked to you about any of it.” He stepped closer again. “I’ve been here every day hoping to see you. What can I do to make it better? I’ll do anything you need me to.”

  His words ate at me because there was nothing he or anyone else could do. “Tell me how you know it was your uncle.”

  Spencer pressed his lips together, and I took a step closer. “Please.”

  His eyes shifted away. “I can’t, Sarah. Believe me, you don’t want to hear it.”

  “I need to know. Nothing could possibly make me hurt more than I already do.”

  When his gaze found mine again, I saw indecision mixed with pain and then resignation as he gave in. “When I saw him the next day, my uncle said, ‘Now I don’t have to deal with that goddamned dog or Sam Walsh anymore.’”

  I felt dizzy for a moment. Acid burned a path up my throat. That man didn’t value life. He’d gotten rid of my father like he was no different from a dog that wouldn’t stop barking. I reached for Spencer’s arm. “You have to tell the chief that.”

  He tensed and drew away from me.

  “Please, Spencer. What I saw wasn’t enough for them to do anything, but if they knew what you heard, they’d have to arrest your uncle.”

  “What do you mean, what you saw?” he asked. “I thought it happened out on the service road. How could you have seen anything?”

  I bit my lip. No one knew this and apparently no one was supposed to. But I needed Spencer to understand. “I was there with my dad that night. I was in the car.”

  He paled. “What?” Then his hands were on either side of my face, his fingertips brushing over the bandage again. His eyes were so close to mine.

  “No one is supposed to know. Your uncle didn’t see me, but I saw his truck. The police think that if your uncle found out I was there . . .”

  Spencer sucked in a breath. “He’d come after you.” He finished the sentence for me.

  “But if you told them what you heard him say, maybe—”

  “No,” he said firmly. “I can’t.”

  “But, Spencer—”

  “No, Sarah!” he yelled, releasing my face. “No.”

  “Why not? We’re leaving. We’re running away. My mother is making us go. I don’t want to leave. This is my home. Please, let’s tell the police what we both know. We can do it together.” As I said those words, they felt right. This was what my father would do. He would stay and stand up to all of them.

  I was so sure that Spencer would change his mind. He’d lost so much himself, he had to understand. So when he laughed miserably and shook his head, I was confused.

  “You’re so naive,” he said, staring down at me. “The world isn’t the way you think it is. You believe good always wins in the end. But you know what? Life isn’t fair. They’d never arrest my uncle. No matter what we told them, he wouldn’t spend a day in jail. And after he found out we’d spilled our guts, he’d come after us, and he’d get us too. That’s what would happen.”

  Tears pooled in my eyes as my brief hope slipped away. “You don’t know that.”

  “Yeah, actually, I do. I’m not telling anyone what my uncle said and you’d better not either. If you repeat what I told you, I’ll deny it. And you know what? I’m glad you’re leaving. It’s better this way. Go and forget my uncle, and forget me too while you’re at it. I won’t even miss you because we never should have been friends in the first place.”

  “You don’t mean that.” I shook my head, not believing him.

  “But I do. And once you’re gone, don’t think about keeping in touch. Don’t waste your time or mine.” He took a step back.

  My teeth started to chatter as I hugged my arms around myself. “Why are you saying these things?”

  Spencer squeezed his eyes closed. When they opened again, they burned with some emotion I couldn’t name. Before I knew what he was doing, he came right up to me, grabbed my shoulders, and pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me hard. I sucked in a breath, too surprised to react. Then he pushed me away.

  “That’s what you’ve always wanted, right? Now that you got it, you can say good-bye with no regrets.”

  I broke down then, sobbing openly in front of him, shivering and wet, miserable and confused, betrayed by this whole town and now by him too. Why had he done that? Why had he kissed me like he hated me? Like he wanted to humiliate me? I sank to my knees in the sand.

  “Go, Sarah. Go home now.” He stepped back, watching me as he put more distance between us.

  This couldn’t be how things ended, not for my father, and not for Spencer and me.

  He stared, and I waited for him to turn away first because I couldn’t move.

  Spencer stood there, looking down at me, hesitating in this final moment. Then he tore his gaze from mine. With a scowl on his face, he turned and walked slowly off the beach. As he disappeared down the road, he must have known I was watching him, but he never once looked back at me.

  After . . .

  I went to the ocean again today while Riley was at work. I didn’t drive over to South Seaport; instead I went to a beach closer to her apartment. Sitting quietly by the sea was what I seemed to need right now.

  It took all my energy to plan this trip and get myself here. Now that I was here, it was harder than I thought to see the places that were once so important to me. It was easier to get swept up in the beauty around me and forget the darkness that lurked beneath it. It was also easier to let Riley lead me around and make me feel like I was on vacation while I avoided the real reason I was here. Tonight I would go out and drink and dance again, because Riley seemed to want me to, but tomorrow the real journey had to begin.

  It was only Colby coming out with us. I’d tried to get out of going, not really wanting to be the third wheel, but Riley wasn’t letting me off the hook. I was hoping after the tequila shots she had planned, I’d be more in the mood. At least Spencer wasn’t coming, either alone or with Annabelle. I couldn’t handle the two of them staring at me like I had two heads again.

  Riley and I appeared in the hallway of her apartment at virtually the same time. She had on tiny black shorts and a white halter top rimmed with pink sequins. Where did she even find clothes like that?

  I had on a strappy black sundress that looked a lot like the one I’d worn the other night, and had my hair brushed to the side. It was supposed to look smooth and sexy, but it kept slipping over my right eye and obstructing my view. I wondered what Riley would say about it. Because of my red hair, she seemed to like the Anne of Green Gables comparison, which was much better than Annie or Pippi Longstocking, both of which I’d heard too many times as a kid. Why were there so many quirky redheaded girls in fiction?

  “You look like Ariel,” she said when she spotted me. “You know, from The Little Mermaid? Or Jessica Rabbit, minus the in-your-face tits and ass.”

  I sighed. “Now you’re going with cartoon characters?”

  “What about me?” She did a little twirl.

  “Slutty Barbie again.”

  “Perfect.” Riley grinned happily as she moved past me. But when she reached the kitchen, I heard her drop the f-bomb.

  Her head was in the refrigerator when I came in. “I forgot to get limes.” Grabbing her phone, she tapped on it and then said, “Buy some limes on the way, babe.” She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I forgot. Love you too.”

  Then she cracked open a bag of chips, and we munched on those while we watched TV until there was a knock at the door. When she went to open it, I turned around, ready to greet Colby, but stopped with my mouth half-open. He wasn’t alone.

  What is Spencer doing here? He wasn’t supposed to be here. I wasn’t prepared to see him again so soon after exchanging banal hellos at Hollander’s the other night.

  After Colby kissed Riley, she took the bag of limes from h
im. Then he came at me like we were old friends, scooping me into a hug before setting me back down again. Behind him was Spencer, who smiled hesitantly, unsure how to greet me. Surely a hug wasn’t on his mind. My stomach reacted to that possibility with a mutinous flutter. When he started to say something to me and stopped, I could feel the awkwardness descending. I decided to put him out of his misery.

  “Hi,” I said flatly, just like we both had before. Then I walked away from him and went into the kitchen.

  It was a good thing he couldn’t see how my gut twisted when he looked at me or sense the way my nerves were humming beneath my skin. I did okay, I thought, as my heartbeat settled back to normal. I gave him a casual greeting with no extra undue attention, even though I wanted to keep my eyes on him and study how each angle of his face might have changed.

  To have something to do other than avoid Spencer, I took a knife from the drawer and began slicing the limes Riley had placed on the counter.

  She and Colby had wandered back in the living room and were pulling bottles from the cabinet as they talked to Spencer. From the kitchen, I could see the three of them together. It was too dark and crowded the other night to get a good look at Spencer. But I was able to covertly watch him now as Colby handed him his keys, making Spencer the designated driver, saying he deserved the privilege of getting drunk because it was his birthday week.

  “Your birthday is a day, not a week,” Spencer commented as he accepted the keys.

  They were close, all three of them, that was clear. I looked at Colby with his colorful ink and abundance of hair that was stylishly style-less, hanging in long brown chunks that fell over his forehead and shoulders. He had a playful glint in his eye and a ready smile that showed off a matching set of dimples. Colby’s friendly personality put me at ease while Spencer’s quieter, simmering presence most definitely did not.

  When we were kids, Spencer came off as introverted but cocky. As an adult, those same traits made him seem aloof and intimidating. He was darker and more serious than Colby. He was taller and broader too, with some tattoos on his forearms, mainly letters or words that I couldn’t make out. His hair was cut similar, but shorter and nearly black. He wore it pushed off his face, revealing his broad forehead and the hard line of his jaw. The face I knew so well had hardly changed. The straight nose was familiar, as were the hard planes of his cheeks that made him look harsh when he wasn’t smiling.

  When Spencer pocketed Colby’s keys, I thought of the many times I’d found him drunk at the beach. That didn’t seem to be his goal tonight. The relief I felt at that surprised me.

  Spencer was doing well, it seemed, going to Berklee, playing in his own band, and being out from under the fists of his uncle. He’d put his past behind him, and I was happy for him. But so many questions still lingered. How badly did his uncle continue to hurt him? How did he keep surviving in that house without giving up or losing his mind? Did he forget about me as soon as I was gone?

  I couldn’t shake my instinctual attraction to him. The hollow, tingly feeling in my belly was both unwanted and familiar. The last time I’d felt this sensation I was fourteen years old. Nate inspired butterflies sometimes, but not this strongly, and certainly not from the simple act of being in the same room with me.

  “Who wants a shot who is not named Spencer?” Riley asked, looking pointedly at me.

  Brushing my thoughts aside, I pretended to guess. “Um, me?”

  “Ding, ding, ding!” she sang out. Then she moved behind the narrow kitchen bar with a bottle in her hand and shooed me out of her way. I sat down across from her as Colby stepped in beside her. Then Spencer came to lean on the same side of the bar as me, but he kept a polite distance between us. I knew this because I was hyperaware of his every movement, even as I was studiously not looking at him.

  “What’s the special occasion?” Colby asked Riley. “You’ve been saving that bottle for the great tequila shortage.”

  “The what?” Spencer asked.

  “The great tequila shortage,” Colby repeated. “You know they make tequila from the blue agave plant, right? Well, in the part of Mexico where this plant grows, some disease has been wiping out the agave crop every year. They’ve called in experts, done tests on the soil, but they can’t get a handle on it. They’ve been experimenting with corn plants trying to replace agave, but that stuff tastes like shit. They tried to keep it quiet, but word got out, and now people are stockpiling tequila.”

  Spencer angled a look at him. “You’re so full of shit.”

  “No, man.” Colby’s expression was solemn, and Riley was nodding in agreement. “It’s the truth. Just a heads-up, when the shortage hits, I ain’t sharing mine.”

  “You’re fucking with me,” Spencer said, glancing in my direction to bring me into the conversation.

  Colby continued. “No margaritas, no tequila sunrises, no toronhas. Think about it. Then we’ll see how fast you head for Kappy’s Liquors.”

  I eyed Colby’s poker face. Maybe he was serious. “What’s a toronha?” I asked.

  He shook his head grimly. “Just another cocktail doomed to extinction.” Then he swept his wavy brown hair to the side and laid a smile on me. Oh yeah. Spencer was right. Colby was full of it.

  “I think we should drink it while we still can, not save it up for who knows when,” Riley said as she set up three shots on the counter. She put the lime wedges beside them and placed a salt shaker in the middle.

  “Normally Ri and I would do body shots, but we don’t want to make you two feel uncomfortable.” Colby smirked across the bar at us.

  “Unless they want to join in,” Riley said with a mischievous gleam in her eye. “Didn’t you used to have a crush on Spencer?” She gestured to me with a lime wedge.

  My fingers squeezed the edge of the bar. From the corner of my eye, I could see Spencer’s head turn toward me. I deliberately smiled even as I was glaring at Riley. She pretended not to notice while I searched for the right words to turn this sudden spotlight off a subject I wanted changed immediately. The words came to me just before the pause in conversation could turn awkward.

  “I was one of many.” I laughed lightly, keeping my gaze on Riley. “You should have heard my sister and her friends talking about Spencer. He was fresh meat and they were definitely not vegetarians.”

  Cackling, Riley pushed lightly on Spencer’s arm. “That’s right. They were like the Spencer Pierce fan club. I forgot about those skanks. Sorry, Sarah. No offense.”

  I shrugged. “None taken. Who would have thought my sister would be in medical school now?”

  Riley’s eyes bugged out. “Seriously?”

  “No. She got pregnant and quit school. She cleans houses.”

  Riley snorted out a laugh. When I dared to look at Spencer, a smile teased his lips as he watched me a little too closely for my comfort.

  “That sounds about right. Not that there’s anything wrong with cleaning houses,” Riley commented as she pushed a shot glass toward me. “Okay, on three.”

  When her countdown finished, all of us except for Spencer licked the salt on our hands, swallowed the tequila, and then sucked on our limes.

  Colby wiped his mouth on his arm. “Man, that’s good.”

  It wasn’t the first shot of tequila I’d ever taken, and I agreed with Colby. It was good as it burned a path to my stomach, loosening the knots there. Somehow, I’d done it. I’d played the crush comment off like it was nothing. They all laughed, just like I’d wanted, but if Riley embarrassed me again tonight, I’d have to wring her neck.

  “The Beach Club?” Spencer asked, tossing up the keys and catching them. “Is that where you want to go?”

  “Enemy territory,” Colby replied, looking down at Riley.

  She reached up and used her thumb to wipe a piece of lime pulp from the corner of his mouth. “You should see the competition. Black Haze has a regular gig there. They come down from Boston for the season too,” Riley explained to me.

  “But
they’re no competition.” Spencer flashed a cocky smile, looking less like the boy I’d known and more like the heartbreaker he obviously was now.

  Colby’s Chevy Blazer had seen better days. The wheel wells were rusted and the color was an indeterminate shade of brown.

  “The Bentley’s in the shop.” Colby grinned at me over his shoulder.

  Inexplicably, Riley looked offended. “Stop that. This is the time in our lives when we’re supposed to drive crappy cars. No excuses. No apologies.”

  Colby looked down at her with affection. “I know, babe. I was just making a joke.” Then he kissed her.

  “There’s a good story there,” Spencer said quietly from behind me.

  Surprised by his closeness, I turned to find his attention on them.

  “You should ask Riley to tell it to you sometime.” His gaze flicked to me before he smiled tightly and walked to the driver’s side door.

  I watched as he disappeared inside the car.

  “Shotgun!” Colby called, slipping into the front.

  Riley rolled her eyes at him as we slid into the backseat. During the short ride, I kept glancing at the back of Spencer’s head while he and Colby talked about a show they were playing next week and the equipment that needed fixing. I listened curiously as Riley made conversation with me, asking what I knew about the dorm I’d be living in and why I didn’t get an apartment instead. I explained that my scholarship was for tuition and board.

  “You’ll be right near Kenmore Square,” Colby said, obviously listening in. “That’s just a few blocks from our place.”

  Spencer caught my eye in the rearview mirror before glancing away again. “Oh,” I responded, not sure how I felt about that.

  “God, I’m so jealous.” Riley sulked. “I wish I went to school closer to you guys.”

  Colby turned around to face her. “You’re an easy drive away.”

  Her frown deepened. “I know, but still.” Then she turned to me, looking apologetic. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I’m such a baby. You’re going to be a thousand miles away from your boyfriend. I shouldn’t be complaining.”